So you may have noticed I’ve been absent for a few weeks. I was out in Joshua Tree, CA continuing my Shamanic studies. It’s really an amazing practice and the study of it can be mind blowing…and it’s also completely, excruciatingly exhausting. Add to that that I was taking three classes in a row for a total of 11 days. And, these were what they call the “Mastery” classes, so they were extra ‘heady’ if you will. Needless to say, I hit the wall. More than once. More than once I said to myself (or anyone who would listen), “I’m done. I can’t put any more information in to my head! I need to freakin’ sleep!” But there really wasn’t much of that going on. I mean sleep.
So each morning students were offered ‘Breathing Practice.” (There are certain breathing techniques in this medicine as in the Yogic tradition, that really help you prepare for a session…or whatever else is coming your way.) One morning, after a particularly bad day, I was totally intending to go to breathing. At that point I figured I needed all the help I could get. So I walk out my cottage door and am instantly pulled to the right where I see the beautiful sun having just come up and 2 chairs sitting facing this sun and the barren but somehow beautiful desert below it. I instantly knew that I wasn’t supposed to go to breathing but was supposed to do my own meditation right there. And when I did, I got the clearest sign I’ve ever gotten. It was simply the word…
But it wasn’t the negative context of that word. Instead, it was the very freeing, peaceful meaning of that word. In other words, it was telling me to just let go. Let go of trying to control this experience. Let go of trying to fit these 11 days in to any semblance of normalcy. Let go of trying to insist your body needs rest. Let go of trying to make the teachers give you the information you think you need as opposed to the information you actually need. Let go of your normal behaviors, thoughts, and patterns of action and just see what happens.
So I did. I let go of being the usual me. And I sat back to see who showed up. And the thing is? I kind of liked who did.
Resignation. It’s not always a bad thing.